I am approaching the finish line of a course about our denominational doctrine (sounds incredibly exciting, I know). As I constructed the course something contained in one of the nearly dozen books used to help us better understand our continued faith journey of growth smacked me upside the head. The words made my heart hurt: "a heart consumed with love for God and and heart consumed with love for others". (Restoring Methodism, 10 Decisions for United Methodist Churches in America.) SMACK!
Is my heart consumed? What is "consumed" really?? When I read it the first time; when I chose to include the passage in the lesson, I am sure I thought, "Yeah, we need to really love God and really love other people." Yeah! That'a it! I really loooovvve God and I love others. Yep! Got this!
Then, in class, as I read aloud the words written; simple letters on a page, I was stunned for a moment. I had to stop. I re-read it. As the words came out, slowly, intentionally, it was then I realized I had read them again out loud. Good thing, it seemed as if I meant to for emphasis, "heart consumed with love for God...for others." I knew in that moment the words had more weight than I had previously given.
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| Consumed! Destroyed! |
Have I used up my heart? Have I allowed my heart to be destroyed with use. I think of items in my life that have been destroyed by use; a couch lost to a ADHD dog named Bubba. An Eskimo Joe's sweat shirt I wore through two pregnancies and on into their high school years (and still would be wearing if Joe hadn't complained), pig shaped cutting board first used by my grandmother. But my heart...it still beats, it pumps blood to my extremities so it clearly has not been destroyed. I realize that we have come to use the heart muscle as the central organ to process emotions rather than where they they initiate; our brain. But the reality is that when our heart hurts, is broken, we/I feel pain right in the center of my being; in my heart.
What can I do to allow my heart to be consumed?
What am I doing wrong?
When I teach a class at church I have a rule: "No Sunday School Answers!" In other words, please don't say "God loves me" or "Submit." We have a way of packaging our faith into nice, sellable sound bites. What I expect from those taking my classes is to dig, listen, hear what the Holy Spirit is stirring within. So no Sunday School Answers here.
The last time I used up something that was vital, precious, important to me was Valor. We avoid chemicals in our family if we can and Valor is an essential oil blend that is wonderful for so many things and the scent of Valor is divine. It helps one son with migraines, my husband with sleep and me, I just like the way I feel when I inhale the luscious aromas of spruce, rosewood, blue tansy and frankincense. When I received my first bottle I used it freely. The day I coaxed the last tiny drop of beautiful, blue elixir of goodness I was cool, calm - I would just order more. Yeah...no...it is indefinitely out of stock. Something about harvesting more Blue Tansy stuff, blah blah blah. I was rocked to my very core. I started a mad search for Valor anywhere, everywhere. I felt defeated, empty over an oil!!!
Have I felt that way with my heart after loving God, others. NO! I have felt pain, loss and sadness due to empathy. I felt this in Guatemala working with the Chorti people in the Mayan mountain villages but as soon as I came home the pain began to slowly fade away. Insert commercial here.
But what God wants is me to use up what I have to the point of destruction. Then what is left?
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| Going again January 2015. Taking sponsors! |
What would be left is what God provides. I figure this is God's plan, use up what we have so we will be forced to rely on His perfect heart to sustain us and to propel us into love for others.
Well there you go!
Ok God! Let's start on a course of destruction!
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