5 Practical Fasting Tips This Season

Fasting is expected of Christians. Christ said..."when you fast...", not if. But fasting a an opportunity to be humble in the presence of God, intensify your prayer life, and hopefully receive guidance from God. The hardest part of fasting is the discipline of fasting, especially during holiday seasons. Our Bishop, William McAllilly, has asked us to pray and fast during Advent and beyond leading up to Jurisdictional and Annual Conference. Being the practical sort I thought it might be helpful to offer 5 Practical Fasting Tips!

1. To fend off morning hunger clean out your sink after one of your teen age boys dumped his partially eaten, CocoaPebbles and milk in the stock pot you left soaking. You will not be hungry at all, trust me. And pray offering God your obedience. 









2. Drink copious amounts of water. Water will fill your belly and keep you from feeling hungry. Also, the increased trips to the restroom will keep you busy and your mind off of food. And pray thanking God for two good legs to make all of those trips.











3. Don't keep snacks in your desk drawer. Trust me...just don't. And pray asking God for strength in your journey.  






4. Make a point to NOT visit that one friend that always eats flavorful foods and then has issues with respecting your personal space. Smelling garlic on their breath can be tough. And pray asking God for solace.

5. Buy an English Bulldog. English Bulldogs insist on being walked...A LOT. They are also high targets for theft so you can't just let them outside. Bulldogs are also smart. They will trick you into thinking they need to go. So out you go. You will be tied up all day with your dog. Thank God that your life allows you to have pets, and that you can feed them and yourself when so many others can't. 

Seriously, fasting is never easy. It isn't supposed to be. But with God you will be able to fast. That is the point; reliance on God, obedience to God and submission to God.  

Disclaimer: All of these tips are silly except for the praying tips. They may or may not be actual circumstances in my fasting life. Happy Advent. #dohardthings 

The Terror of Division

Yesterday I wrote a post on Facebook regarding my feelings about the latest college shooting. As a rule I keep my posts light. I am not certain that social media is a place to try to be a change agent. So I post pictures of AnnaBelle. I mean really, who doesn’t love a great picture of a cleft lip bulldog puppy. 

But I felt as though I needed to say something in reference to yet another mass murder in our country. So I posted this:

But following is what I really wanted to say. It was buried so deeply within my heart that I could’t get the words to bubble up to my fingers and type them into my blog. But I feel as though in an effort to move forward I need to extract these words.

April 19th marked the 20th anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing; the largest act of terrorism on American soil by an American. On that day I realized something profound but I didn’t have a voice to speak my heart. 

Four years later, in a suburb of Denver Colorado the first act of terrorism in a school that made national headlines happened at Columbine High School. Twelve student were murdered. I consider this an act of terrorism because as I place myself inside that school I am certain I feel terror.

Since those two turning points in American history we have had a plethora of terrorism hit America. Most of which has been perpetrated by other Americans. Not just guns were used to kill. Let be clear, I don’t love guns personally. The power of a firearm frightens me and I have no desire to carry a gun but I have a son that hunts, shoots on a pistol and trap shooting team and sees a future in law enforcement. I am thankful he is responsible with a firearm. Bombs have not been the favored choice of murder nor has airplanes colliding into buildings.

The biggest weapon utilized in terrorism is a divisive spirit; you against me, them against us, I am right and you are wrong. When extreme sides are formed on any issue the wall built obstructs any opportunity for discourse. In Proverbs 18:13 we read, “He who answers before listening – that is his folly and his shame.” Earlier in this same chapter there is a pointed evaluation of those who would rather talk than listen: “A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions” (18:2). In the New Testament, James 1:19 says “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger:” St Francis of Assisi stated “grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood, as to understand.” 

Mental health issues not with standing, most conflicts can be resolved with conversation. Unfortunately today even within my own clergy/religious ranks I see far too many lines drawn in the sand. What we are saying to the unbelieving word is, “We can’t agree on what God calls us to do and who to be, so clearly we are not qualified to impart any reliable wisdom for you.” What the “Other Believing” world (other religions) see in our broken discourse is that we have no idea of what the Truth is from Our Creator. I can't even imagine what those who have lost hope in Faith see in our actions toward each other. 

I remember a time when my mother didn’t like the current president. I only know this because she told me who she voted for and why. But when, at the brilliant age of 17, I bashed the winner, Jimmy Carter, my mother immediate stopped me and explained that President Carter was elected by a fair vote of the people and as the elected president he deserved my respect. If I was truly unhappy I should vote accordingly in the next election when I was of age.  I learned something that day. My mom taught me that unity is more important that being “right.” That respect is a gift we give and gifts aren't earned. She taught me that learning about both sides of any issue or electoral candidate helped me understand decisions and processes. It also helped me tolerate life when it didn’t go my way.

What I have watched happen in our country in politics, religion, industry and even relationships is that we humans are more vested in being right that we are in being righteous. We are not at all interested in working together and understanding others unless the other is just like us unthinking and otherwise. We waste no time in learning all sides about an issue or even learning the truth of an issue. We are quick to "re-post" anything that we read that confirms our position, truthful or not. Even talk show psychiatrist, Dr. Phil knows, "no matter how thin you make a pancake, there are still two sides."

When we no longer see similarities on others we place them in a category that no longer matters to us. When lives no longer matter, we can bully, hate, revile, and yes, even kill those that no longer matter.

I don’t like everybody and don’t agree with many but I try my best to see all sides and love even those that make no sense to me. I don’t reduce others to labels or categories. But I can’t do it on my own. I am limited by my humanity to love others, to see other positions or beliefs. But I know this, I don’t have to be divided from those in which I don’t agree with. God can and will fill the gap. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 teaches us that two are better than one. There are strength in unity and the cord is most strong when the Divine Third strand is woven within. Unity is the only thing that can bridge the divisive sprit of terror. 

Designed for the Garden

"Man was made for the garden." This is a phrase that has stuck with me for days. I can't get it out of my head since I first read it in my morning devotional from my iPhone Bible app. While pulled away from the whole text of the article it paints a nice picture of a man, tilling straight rows to sow seeds for the vegetables his wife will can in Ball jars to line their pantry for winter eating.

What the author, R.C. Sproul,  meant was that the original design of mankind was created to live in THE Garden; the perfect garden with no stress, strife or hard labor. He purports that our DNA lends us to reliance on a larger, supreme being for sustenance. Immediately, my mind wandered to this scenario; a beautiful manicured lawn, with lush vegetation, and of course  soaking tub in the midst of the gloriousness. I know the tub is not biblical, but really, Adam and Eve HAD to bathe and who knows, it might have been in the plans.

More than likely the garden would have been more like this... beautiful, lush, no bath tube and lots of critters running around. My desire for a bathtub in the midst of God's perfection is an indication of where mankind goes wrong. We always want to improve on what God offers but we want God to pony up the improvements. God was going to give us all we needed, right at our fingertips. BAM - our first home improvement, another menu item on the already overflowing buffet. 

We wanted individual dwellings, fences, modes of transportation, chemically modified enhancement of items found in nature. Yet we want God to perfect these changes and fix us when we break down due to our cravings. Why can't we be satisfied with what god gives us? Why do we want more and more and even more?

Which came first the chicken or the egg? We are taught that mankind is depraved due to the Fall but there had to be a level of depravity in Adam and Eve's make-up to desire to have more than God was already offering. Right? 

What I wonder most (and have absolutely no answers) is could it be that while we want what we want and many of us are even willing to work hard to have "things" God's true intent has been for us to only take what we get all along. Let me give you a more down-to-earth real life sized example. Every time we drive by this car

he says "Hashtag, first car." And I reply, "Hashtag, dream on." Why? Because, even if we could afford it,  (or more importantly, he worked hard to get it) he is still a sixteen year old driver and it would be expensive to insure, and dangerous for him to have that fast of car. We now that so we will say, "no." But we are much more micro managing that God. He allows our free will to obtain that which we think we need if we find a way to get it. The question is, is it the Garden He wired us for? How often do we miss the entrance to the Garden because we are busy hunting for and improved version. 

I guess I need to get more acquainted with God's Garden plan for me. I need to set my sights higher. Not to a bigger dream or a bigger goal but to a Higher Power, One who will give me what it best. 

What Do I See?

The title of this blog is, "What I See...".  The title speaks to my penchant for people watching and how they interact with others and life. Often my grandprincess, Sassy, is used as an example to illustrate "what I see" in myself and/or others but I have used other members of my family or various plants, animals, etc. No one and nothing is safe!

What I see in the world challenges me. Glimpses of life challenge me to think about what I see, what I know and what I believe. What I see in the world today is glimpses of many people listening to others...many others...speaking,  some loudly, some with charm, others with rebellious passion. But as I peer, like a voyeur, into these provocative platitudes, I don't perceive challenge; thoughts to stimulate the hearer to think, ponder, wonder and grow, sifting through the words and ideas to see what is illuminating to the hearer. What I see is more of a a sorting; "I like this", I don't like hearing this". "These thoughts feel better."

What I see isn't necessarily the truth. That is why I wrestle with the thoughts, concepts and ideas in hopes I will, through prayerful discernment and scriptural understanding, eventually hit the mark of God's truth. But by shear definition, a blog is my opinion, not fact. 

What I see is:

• People moving farther apart than working to come together. Divisive spirits control our thoughts. The desire to be right is more important that coming to a productive agreement that could move us forward. Division holds us back.

• People trying to color the world back or white. While I am not speaking of race, unfortunately, recent issues in the world have fallen in that particular arena. All police officers are not filled with fear and hate for every black person and not all people of color (any color includung white) are innocent. Life and the character of people is not black or white.
  
  
  

• That we like listening to the voices that confirm what we believe rather than the voices of those that challenge what we think. Politicians, pastors, friends that are "yes men" or play into our fears repeat the same pre-conceived notion we have already been telling ourselves. 

• Bad behavior or mean spiritedness is tolerated in the guise of humor. "We were just teasing." Hard messages need to be served with love, not hidden within sarcastic humor in the name of satire. Making poor choices should not be written off as, "It was all in fun." Because often the consequences fall on other innocent bystanders.

• We hold everyone to our standard instead of looking how we can live up to God's standard. We forget the whole log/speck part Jesus said. In doing so we make assumptions about people that may or may not be true.

• What we think has become our god and then God is shoved into that mold. This is backwards thinking. The Lord should be our God and He should be allowed to form our thoughts. I wonder what would happen if we actually, REALLY, bounced our opinions off of Scripture. (see Sermon on the Mount)

These are just a few of the thoughts I see. Many of them I see in me. Are they in you as well. Look and see. 

Stuf to Ponder

In June of this year a divided Supreme Court in a 5-4 decision ruled that same-sex couples can marry nationwide, establishing a new civil right in America.

Within days the questions came in to my office:

“When are you performing your first same-sex marriage?”

“Will you leave ministry when they force you to perform a same-sex marriage?”

“Didn’t United Methodists already marry gays?”

My answers:

“I can’t.”

“I will have to pray that through. A calling can’t just be tossed aside.”

“No! Uh, well not really supposed to. But I know it has happened. But well, they weren’t supposed to.”

It has happened.

Rev. Frank Schaefer performed the marriage of his son to his same-sex partner in a quiet, private little ceremony in 2007 in Eastern Pennsylvania. When the marriage was found out in 2013 Rev. Schaefer was defrocked, then reinstated on the promise of not performing any more same-sex marriages. He performed the marriage because he couldn't bear to live with his son’s feeling of “going to hell” because he was in love. His heart was breaking for his child. See news story: 

http://www.umc.org/news-and-media/special-coverage-frank-schaefer 

In the Spring, a 

Nashville pastor from Belmont United Methodist Church, performed a marriage of two long time members of the church she served. She notified her District Superintendent prior to the wedding. Ultimately she received a suspension of 90 days. The couple had been together in her church for 15 years. As their pastor she felt she was called to care for them and their union.

See news story: http://tinyurl.com/o284qwy

Like so many other communities of faith, the United Methodist denomination is struggling to love  and affirm as we are called, yet try to continually understand God’s will for our lives.

This article is an effort to share what United Methodists as a denomination currently state in their polity on the subject of homosexuality and transgender. I feel an understanding of the process of will be helpful in the days to come leading up to the Annual Conference in 2016 where UMs from around the world will gather to have conversations about how to proceed in a way that can help support, love and sustain all people yet maintain the sanctity of Christian teachings and what all of those lofty goals really mean for us.

What the UMC states in the Book of Discipline:

Paragraph 4:

All persons are of sacred worth and shall shall be eligible to attend its worship services, participate in its programs, receive the sacraments, upon baptism be admitted as baptized members, and upon taking vows declaring the Christian faith, regardless of race, color, national origin, status or economic condition or sexual orientation. (paraphrased)

Paragraph 214:

All people may attend its worship services, participate in its programs, receive the sacraments and become members in any local church in the connection. (paraphrased)

Paragraph 304.3

While persons set apart by the Church for ordained ministry are subject to all the frailties of the human condition and the pressures of society, they are required to maintain the highest standards of holy living in the world. The practice of homosexuality is incompatible with Christian teaching. Therefore self-avowed practicing homosexuals are not to be certified as candidates, ordained as ministers, or appointed to serve in The United Methodist Church.2

"Self-avowed practicing homosexual" is understood to mean that a person openly acknowledges to a bishop, district superintendent, district committee of ordained ministry, board of ordained ministry, or clergy session that the person is a practicing homosexual. 

Paragraph 613 & Paragraph 806.9

United Methodist funds may not go to any gay or Lesbian caucus or group. This does not limit the church’s response the the HIV epidemic. (paraphrased)

Paragraph 2702

Performing marriage of same sex unions is considered a chargeable offense.

What is a “Chargeable Offense”?

A chargeable offense is an act performed by clergy or laity that is not in keeping with Christian teaching as defined within the United Methodist Book of Discipline.

The term “chargeable offense” sounds scary. If it is so scary how did Rev. Schaefer and Rev. Hawkins receive what appear to be light sentences? The process requires for a complaint to be filed. In the case of Hawkins, after she informed her District Superintendent her intention to perform the wedding for two men in her congregation, the DS told her that a complaint would be filed and was filed following the ceremony. Once a complaint is filed a committee has 90 (which can be extended another 30 days) to act. A judiciary committee, the offender and a mediator gather to draft a resolution. The Bishop can or refuse to sign off on the resolution. If the Bishop does not sign off on the agreement then the situation goes to judiciary court. (Such was the case of Frank Schaefer)

The good news about the ruling in Rev. Pam Hawkins case is that no one seems happy with the ruling which means no one got their way. So good news - no one wins. But the bad news is no one won but everyone looses. The denomination looses, Christians everywhere loose, we loose. Whenever the church, any church, garners negative attention for fighting within their own family the witness we give the unbelieving world is more than off putting, it is a deterrent to the Good News we are called to share. How can we be clear about our message to the world when we don’t even agree on the message.

As far as weddings go it is important to note, as a pastor, I do not HAVE to do ANY wedding, for ANYONE, EVER. In the course of 11 years in ministry I have refused to officiate a wedding twice before, neither were gay or lesbian but they were straight and in my opinion not quite ready for marriage. Both went elsewhere, both are divorced.

I am currently not allowed to perform a marriage to same sex partners with out undergoing chargeable offense proceedings. When ordained I agreed to uphold the Book of Discipline. I look at this situation as following my employers policies. I will not knowingly violate the rules on marriage, or any rule for that matter. I feel that breaking a rule is not the way to change a rule.

A note on chargeable offenses for clergy, they also include: 

Immorality, including, but not limited to celibacy in singleness and extra marital affairs.

Self-avowed homosexuality or conducting marriage ceremonies for homosexual couples.

Crime (any)

Disobedience to the UM Church 

Discrimination

Dissemination of doctrines contrary to the UMC (this could include prohibiting people from the sacraments, rebaptizing individuals, etc.)

Undermining another pastor’s ministry

Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse

Harrasement

As professing members of the UMC, you could be charged with an offense for ALL the above excluding performing marriages and prohibiting sacraments.

I share this as a call for us to “log removal.” Before a judgement is passed on the sentences in cases against clergy in the issue of marriage for one’s own son or years long members in your congregation we must first look at where we have failed the church and gotten away (or are still getting away) with it. We need to remove the log in our own eye before we point out specks in other’s eyes. 

As professing members of the United Methodist church we have vowed to uphold the church with our prayers, our presence, our gifts, our service, and our witness. Before we can pass judgement on anyone we must first ask ourselves: do we pray for our church? Do we attend church regularly? Not just worship but Sunday school, Bible studies, missional endeavors, outreach? Do we share generously the gifts God has given us both monetary and spiritual? Do we serve our church and others? Do we serve with sacrifice or only in ways that feed us? Is the witness of our lives lived in such a way that we draw people to church or push them out, away from coming along side of the body of Christ?

The only answer is to first seek to understand before we seek to be understood. There are hard questions with an even harder path to answers. Answers that are in the realms of Heaven and not answered in the court of the land. 

If you would like to talk, vent or ask questions, my door is open. 

It Is Just A Mountain!

Yesterday morning we were shocked (not-so-shocked) that, on her own terms, Sassy tackled and has conquered the task of potty training. She was not having it the three times Mom introduced the idea. She pouted, pushed away and even became petulant. She was able to say, "I want a diaper, I am a baby." She was ready physically but not up to change and challenge.

Sassy is sassy but not totally fearless. We recently bought her a pink motorized jeep. It took her a while to be willing to actually drive it by herself. She would push the peddle it would jerk and she would let up with a look of "maybe this is a bad idea." After some time of consternation she would push and jerk to a stop again. Push, jerk, stop pause.What makes her persevere?

Sassy swinging high!

This - Her swinging career started much like her driving career Push - Jerk to a stop - then pause. Then go again. The only difference was GiGi was behind her saying, "you've got this...you are brave...you do hard things!" Now when she swings at the first sign of butterflies she tells herself, "I am brave, swing me higher GiGi!"

Do hard things is a theme of our family. It isn't about being the best, the fastest or having the most wins. Do hard things means we look at mountains and start climbing. We come to walls and look for a way around them or over them (sometimes under them). Hard things are only hard until you do them, then God gets you through it and the "hard" goes away. When God enters, hard things are just "thing." A mountain is just a mountain.

Here are a couple of my kids doing hard things:

Alli trying a raw oyster (gross is hard)

Dylan holding a 50lb Boa (crazy is hard)

Jill chasing Sassy, teaching, tutoring and being a pastor's wife all while going to school

God calls us into hard things. In 1 Kings 19  Elijah killed all the false prophets with a sword and feared for his life. Jezebel was out for revenge! He was so weary and tired he found a bush and laid down hoping to die. An angel of the Lord brought him food and water and then said, "get up and go to the mountain!" THEN he got to the mountain and went back to bed in a cave. God came and asked "What are you doing??" After Elijah explained how hard everything had been God didn't tell him to give up, pause, take a nap. He told Elijah to go up the mountain. Up the mountain he went; God strengthening him all the way. After several natural disasters Elijah heard the sustaining voice of God. The hard things he did brought Him face to face with God Almighty; redeemer, sustainer, empowerer. 

Same with Sassy and her jeep. While the adults were scurrying to get to church, showering, loading cars, etc. she went outside, got in her jeep and drove it off the porch. Trying to go down the stairs she missed and landed upside down under the jeep in a bush. She was ok...muddy in her church clothes...but ok! She told GiGi later it was ok, she was brave! 

Why do we shy away from a life that is challenging? I feel it is because we aren't sure what will happen and we just might fail. But God didn't' call us to a life that is easy. God called us to a life that places us in a spot where we need Him. An easy life is a life without God. Push yourself, push yourself right into a life reliant and placed in the path of God! You claim to have Jesus within you - You are sanctified. "Sanctification is not drawing from Jesus the power to be holy—it is drawing from Jesus the very holiness that was exhibited in Him, and that He now exhibits in me."[Chambers, Oswald (2010-10-22). My Utmost for His Highest, Updated Edition] You don't just have the power of God behind you - you have the power within you! Hard things are just a thing. What are you doing?

Despite the World it Was Still VBS Week

In a little over a week nine precious people, worshiping in their faith community, gathered for Bible study were murdered by one welcomed in their midst. Six predominately African American churches in the South have been burned, with arson suspected in at least three. There was a terrorist attack on beach vacationers leaving 39 people killed and dozens wounded. The Supreme Court ruled that states do not have the right to ban same sex marriages and a debate is raging about the Confederate Flag. Isn't it amazing how emotional reactions can cause people to become historical, theological and constitutional experts? As a spiritual leader as I am bombarded with questions about what I believe which sound less like true desire to hear and more like a challenge to validate their thinking. Weeks like this make me weary. As I am trying to listen, understand, empathize with hurts, fears and anger in hopes God's will prevails, I really just want to climb inside a blanket fort somewhere and read a good book.

While there were no blanket forts, I spent the week immersed in child-like heaven. The world was going crazy, yet it was still VBS (vacation bible school) week. While terror and mayhem, debates and decisions took place, close to 60 children, 20 adults and 20 young people gathered in our church building to learn abut the power of God to love, transform, heal, empower and redeem through Jesus and Holy Spirit. 

One would look back at the week and think, "why bother?" Why spend weeks, no months, preparing food, lessons, craft, skits and decorations to sow seeds of faith in the fertile hearts of these children if they will just grow up and live in such a world we are in.

Here are  4  reasons why we should bother:

1. Children need to worry less about being right. Real living is not about being "right" but about learning to be righteous. Being righteous can only be done through a deep and personal relationship with our Creator who makes us right with him. In turn being righteous is about treating others "right" as Christ would. VBS is a place where we practice getting along, playing together and treating each other as Christ would treat us. 

2. Children should learn.  That is it. Christ taught. The Sermon on the Mount begins with, Jesus sat and he began to teach them... Many of today's problems stem from people not studying the bible, the Constitution, even history. More importantly we are focused on using the bible, etc. as tools to support our opinions rather than learning the true spirit and intent; the "whys". 

3. Children need to play. VBS is play for children. But it is a holy play that transforms. Every craft, outdoor game and song shapes their hearts. The world has become a place of work for children based on achievement and performance. VBS has no expectations other than to "be." 

4. Children need to feel the church cares about them. VBS is a week set aside to love on them and honor them. Too often the children become second class children to interest groups, political parties and collective points of view. Their lives become what these groups present to them. Children need love most. 


Maybe us adult children of God need a little VBS too. Just sayin'

Drag Push Pull

Well it is here...VBS WEEK. After weeks of intense preparation, which included costume design, cookie baking, script writing, craft buying, set building, song and dance practice, and nail painting (yes we are that committed) 

we get this! YES THIS!

And this is the first night!

Thanks Brock!

Kids love VBS, even the ones that first enter with fear and trepidation. It is a moment when children that are familiar with the church and each other gather with friends they have invited as well as those children that have accepted the invitation of the cool light up sign in the church yard!








After one fast flying evening of skits, stories, crafts food and fun the kids join together as if they have all known each other for ever! They rush in to the sanctuary for closing ready eager to share in what excitement unfolds next.

Bam! Hebrews 10:19 just happened in the middle of VBS with a bunch of rowdy kids and willing adults and young people.


"And so, dear brothers and sisters, we can boldly enter heaven's Most Holy Place because of the blood of Jesus."

It is a challenge for us weekly worshippers (and those that may not actually make it to worship weekly) to enter boldly into worship. I venture to say that many of us creep in, straggle in, or maybe even stumble in to a Most Holy Place on Sunday. Maybe we are tired. Or is it because we don't feel worthy? Do we even understand that we are entering a holy place? The sanctuary is the most holy place this side of heaven. How we enter the this holy spot reflects how confident we are in our entry into the Heavenly Holy Place. How could we NOT enter boldly with the confidence of a new life in Christ?

These VBS kids get it. Maybe not in the way we think of "holy." They don't come in silent, reverent and chanting as if they are monks entering a monastery. They come in with great expectation, awaiting to see what God can do through the lives of the people present Christ to them They know Christ will be there. Why? Well duh! Because it is vacation BIBLE school! They (if even for only one week) they become family! They look for Christ, they wait for Him and cheer when they see what God can do.

Maybe VBS is a yearly challenge to us regular worshippers to check our attitude upon entering. Are we rushing in boldly expecting to see what God can do knowing we are a new family living in the power of Christ??? Maybe we should.

Can YOU Let it Go?

Sassy is potty training. (Or should I say Sassy's parents are in training.) Mom and Dad are doing all of the right things; rewarding with treats, cheering, a fancy potty... even a happy potty dance. Sassy wants to wear "big girl panties and she isn't afraid of the potty (yes that is a real thing.) She knows when she is about to go so all the signs and stars are aligned for this adventure.

You are welcome for that moment of happy. But last night I get this text:

The problem is in the balance of power and control. Bless Sassy's parents. As parents we live under the false idea that we can control all aspect of our children's life. There are not enough M&Ms to make a child potty in a pink, singing Minnie Mouse potty if they don't want to. In Sassy's case she is just smart enough to have figured out that she is n control of this one. 

Sassy 1 - Parents 0

Power and control is one of the biggest bane's to man's existence. Human beings have sought power over our world through control since the beginning of time yet almost always we aren't smart enough to know when not having control is actually sometimes better. 

Take Adam and Eve. They had it made! No work, beautiful landscaped yard. And the top Whole Foods Market at their finger tips. But they wanted power, control and that meant eating that one item on the shelves that was off limits. It was off limits because it would give them even more desire to have power and control. It was the fruit of knowledge of good AND evil. Once they ate and knew then they had to try to control their surroundings. They had to hide shame, lie, work the garden...all for the sake of one small taste of control.

Control is a powerful drug. A little goes a long way and a little creates the desire for more. We parents are the worse. we actually believe we can control our children's behavior with punishment, manipulation and reward; all forms of control. I am not advocating free range parenting as that creates a lock of self control which results in chaos. But there are some steps to understanding and living in a balance of control. 

1.     You cannot control the actions of others. 

        You may be able to elicit a desirable outcome but ultimately the control was in the choice of the person or people you are trying to control. They chose to do what you wished. 

Help People Make the Right Choice

2.     Total control is imaginary.

        I don't know how many times in my life I thought I had total control until someone or something came along and upset that apple cart. While we can control ourselves, we can not control the entire planet. Being rigid disables us from shifting when the world shifts.

Take Care of You and Learn to Be Flexible

3.     Question your desire for control.

        Pay attention when you are exerting control. Ask yourself why you need to be in control in this particular situation. Sometimes we control out of fear of the unknown or a weakness to handle what could happen. Learning to conquer fear and cope with our surroundings is better than trying to control the world. Getting support to work through the things in life that stress us, defeat us and set us back is much better that creating an environment of control to try to keep life from happening.

Learn to Cope and Work Through YOUR Stuff

So... what is Sassy's mom to do? Since all systems are go then she chose to be flexible and go back to diapers. She isn't giving up. It isn't really her fight anyway. But she knows Sass wants to wear big girl panties not diapers so she is helping this little girl make the right choice; panties mean potty. Potty training (or most hurdles in life) do not have to be achieved at some magical moment. Being flexible keeps mom from going crazy and ramping up the control which is an illusion. She had to ask herself - who is this deadline for? Is it for me or some parenting magazine or for Sassy girl to reach a new level of self confidence. 

Lest you think this blog is about potty training let me be clear. It is about YOU, ME - all of us. Whether we are trying to make others use a toilet instead of a diaper or a child kick a bad habit or a co-worker do a better job - we all are in danger of falling into the lure of control. Don't do it! Back away! Just take care of you!

I Am Baaaaaack

Yes, I am aware my last post was over five months ago. I would love to tell you why but then that would defeat the reason I went "blog silent. Le's just say I was at a place where I couldn't trust myself to not use my blog as a weapon against those who were creating havoc in an otherwise perfect world. 

Don't we need breaks sometimes? A space and time to find perspective; to lick our wounds and to heal from the throes of life? We know this as infants but forget it as toddlers - we need rest - a break - distance from the world. 

Granted it may not need to be five months. Sometimes a day, or a week or even just a nap. Babies know they need sleep and for the most part they do a lot of it. But something inside our human nature pushes us, as early as toddlerhood to reject the notion of lying down. I mean we may miss something, right? We may not be able to exert our desire to control the situation if we are shut down and removed. So we avoid breaks.

Let me tell you from experience, a break was just what I needed. And trust me, you needed a break from me too. Has I stuck around during the rough patch, I would have shared (stealthily disguised as a great lesson) all the junk being poured over me as well as my gut responses. I would have inflicted my pain on you. 

But distance, perspective and healing allows me to learn from the experience and move on to more fruitful topics, like this one, rest. Rest is also known as sabbath in our church world. Jesus took a sabbath time to rest in the Lord. We need that same time. It is a restful place where God can speak and heal and shape us.

I need to be more faithful in this practice. I am called to urge others to take sabbath rests. When is yours?

Surprise Embrace

I was once called a "planet."  A planet is a person that looks ahead, makes plans and has every detail accounted for prior to any endeavor. 

The Guatemala trip this year is no different; extra zip lock baggies in case, extra glasses in case...oops we will be going to Ocumbla, socks in case we see Brenda from last year. 

Brenda is a small girl with Juvenile Arthritis and going bare foot or wearing the cheap rubber shoes year up her feet. I looked forward to seeing Brenda. Last year she touched my heart. 

Another girl that touched my heart was Evelyn. I met her in Oquen. She was tiny, round faced and smiling. The day we pulled out of Guatemala, heading for Antigua, I chose Evelyn to sponsor in the Embrace Program. Brenda's nutritional health was not poor enough to qualify which should tell you how starved Evelyn was. 

Being a "planet" I looked at the itinerary and thought ok, "Friday, new village, Saturday, LaPuente (need a jacket)... Wednesday, Ocumbla and Brenda. The planet's planner was set. 

Imagine my dismay when Tuesday I realized I had read and remembered incorrectly! We were going to Ocumbla but to Oquen. Oh, well. (I got to the "oh well" place after a bit of stewing.) And then it hit me early Wednesday morning Oquen meant Evelyn. When serving for Servant ministries, if you have a child you sponsor through Embrace you can arrange to meet that child ahead of time. In my confusion and mis-planning, I missed the ahead of time window. In fact, I bag an to second guess if Evelyn really lived in Oquen or not. 

Serving in triage we watch for names for other sponsors' children. As I carefully scanned for names, Robin's child comes through. I give up on seeing Evelyn, chastising myself for not planning better. <sigh>

Then, a small child walks in. Round face, tiny... It looks like Evelyn. But her name is Vidalia. She was only 2. She was not Evelyn. Then I hear the mother chattering say, "Padrina, Padrina!" (Patron) I have no clue until I retrieve the paperwork of the next child! It was Evelyn  her face no longer moon-shaped. But her eyes still the same. Her smile lit up the room and I grabbed her, hugged her and probably sacred her to death!!!

I felt so much joy meeting her, seeing her village and her family. I was please to see her health was much better. She is still battling worms but will always. She has a latrine and a water filter so life can be better. Her weight is much better. Her smile was huge. You will not see the smile in these pictures. Most all Ch' orti children either become solomn or cover their mouths when you take pictures.

But this girl will thrive. She is spunky. Later, several hours after her clinic appointment she charmed her way past the seasoned Pastor Armando, and a few others claiming she wished to meet her Padrina!! Once she got to me, she batted her eyes, looked at me sweetly and said, "dulce?" Ahh a girl after my own heart she had managed to use her beautiful smile, big brown eyes and hug to snag another handful of candy!

That's my girl!!

Now for sure I left a piece of my heart back in Oquen.