The Great Divorce

"There have been men before...who got so interested in proving the existence of God that they came to care nothing for God himself...as if the good Lord has nothing to do but to exist. There have been some who were so occupied with spreading Christianity that they never gave a thought to Christ." C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce

Life group question of the day, "What is the condition of your heart?" My heart? My heart is broken. Broken, for friends who walked away from The General Conference of the United Methodist church feeling unwanted, unloved and defeated. But my true heartbreak comes from the place inside me that is still a little girl; a little girl that just watched her parents' disagreement turn into a full blown argument. I watched, broken as my parents disagreement turned ugly and eventually resulted into what appears to be a divorce, or at least a separation. 

The church is my extended family. Spiritually I was born into the UMC following a lifetime of wandering lost. With the absence of stable, extended family, as an adult, the church became for me the people that supported me, raised me and now I am a leader in the church. Like a child I look up to my family. But today my family is broken and hurting and I am certain we grieved God in the process.

I also feel that in right-fighting, we eclipsed the Word of God for ourselves, for others, and ended up doing exactly what we as people called Methodist are to not do - we are to first Do no harm. But harm was done. Harm was done to some of our own family and to our witness to the world.

"No natural feelings are high or low, holy or unholy, in themselves. They are all holy when God's hand is on the rein. They all go bad when they set up on their own and make themselves into false gods." C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce

As a pastor I come across so many people that have been hurt by their church but I help them find that love can be found in a church family right where they are. In Googling this morning the national headlines cry out about our dysfunction, our fight, the possible impending divorce and the place that has been and is calling to those feeling unloved by their own churches has placed itself in the position of not being that place any longer. Not as much by our decisions but how our decision making played out in the media. I truly thought my family was better than that.

What can we do now? We can turn to God and and let God be God. Derive our power from the Spirit of God, and begin to pick up the pieces of our hearts and begin to heal. We can wrap our arms around those who have been hurt and finding our won healing in being a comfort to others. 

"There is but one good; this is God. Everything else is good when it looks to Him and bad when it turns from Him." C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce

Be sure to know, God doesn't need an interpreter. God doesn't need a defender. What God needs is people who show the nature of God to others in the world. God is love. Showing god's nature means to show love; love that is not drowned out by the sound of the clanging cymbal of self-righteousness. 

I am no longer my own, but thine.

Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.

Put me to doing, put me to suffering.

Let me employed for thee or laid aside for thee.

Let me be full, let me empty.

Let me have all things, let me have nothing.

I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal.

And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father Son and Holy Spirit,

thou art mine, and I am thine

So be it.

And the covenant which I have made on earth,

let it be ratified in Heaven.

Amen

Photos from UMC.org

Why being present matters...

“When Jesus looked out and saw that a large crowd had arrived, he said to Philip, “Where can we buy bread to feed these people?” He said this to stretch Philip’s faith. He already knew what he was going to do. One of the disciples—it was Andrew, brother to Simon Peter—said, “There’s a little boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish. But that’s a drop in the bucket for a crowd like this.” Jesus said, “Make the people sit down.” There was a nice carpet of green grass in this place. They sat down, about five thousand of them. Then Jesus took the bread and, having given thanks, gave it to those who were seated. He did the same with the fish. All ate as much as they wanted.” ‭‭John‬ ‭6:5-6, 8-11‬ ‭MSG‬‬

As a child I remember my Grandma describing a church family by saying, “They are there every time the doors are open.” She meant it as a compliment, implying that attending made them good people, maybe better than those who did not. 

The same statement was made by one of my children’s friends, We are there every time the doors are open,” but this time it was a complaint. 

Does church attendance, particularly the social, missionaries, outreach events make us better people? Woody Allen is quoted as saying “Seventy percent of life is about showing up.”  What happens when we show up?

1. When we show up we show up we learn something. A former secretary once told me as I left for yet another business training, “You will learn something, even if all you learn is how to sit still and behave graciously while bored.” Sarcasm aside, there is something to be said about not always being happy and entertained where you are. It is a growing edge for all of us. How many times have you gone somewhere and realized after the time had passed you were better for being there. What a nice surprise when it was somewhere you didn’t want to go. 

2. People’s lives are enhanced by your presence. Even when you don’t need people, people need you. In the history of the American church, people knew where to go when they were lonely, hungry, broken. The church was the proverbial lighthouse for those struggling in deep water. If we aren’t there to shine the light, help bring them to shore and care for them, as they gain their land legs, the lighthouse is of no value. Once when beginning a new church service in a new format, many at the church became concerned that they would “lose” people from the current service. “Can’t we just have a service for ‘those’ people without losing ‘our’ people?” One young man said this, “If no one is there to greet them when ‘those’ people come, how will ‘those’ people ever become ‘our ‘people?”

3. We are a body. Ultimate fitness requires that a body has all (or most) of its parts working. Recently, I began regularly attending exercise class. I am discovering body parts that have been allowed to go dormant. Activating those parts, while uncomfortable in the process, has made me stronger and more able and effective. The same idea works for the church. Even if we feel like what we do, what we can offer, doesn’t matter, it does. Your mere presence is often what is needed to complete the working body. 

Yes, a vital church has many, many, many offerings for fellowship, reaching beyond the walls to others and serving others. Sometimes it seems like there is so much to attend. Please don’t plan to attend. Plan to be present. Be available to others. Don’t go with the agenda to be fed. Go fully prepared to show up and share. Like the little boy, offer what you have. God will take the few fish and meager loaves we offer and spiritually feed how ever many take the time to sit down. It is in that action of the Divine that all that are preasent are fed; even you. 

Take time to look at your church newsletter and calendar to see where and when you can be present. 

National Walk Out or Up Day

"WALK WALK We like to walk. 

WALK TALK We like to talk."

Hop On Pop by Dr. Suess

We like to walk...we like to talk.  My social media news feed is overcome with hashtags with what seem to be similar; #walkout and #walkupnotout very similar yet very, very different. The hashtags are in reference to the movement by highschool students across America following the school shooting in Florida to emphasize the need for gun control, particularly in reference to the ease in which guns are obtained by those that lack the mental stability to be a gun owner. #walkout

#walkupnotout is a viral movement. The movement appears to be inspired in part by a Facebook post, mid February, in Texas. The movement encourages students to "put down their stupid phones" and walk up to lonely students and make friends, a great idea. We all need to check out less and reach out more. 

Both hashtags involve movement, walking. Here is the biggest difference, however. In walking out, the students are making a statement, saying they are tired of watching their friends die right before their eyes. Or in the case of the students that have yet to be involved in a shooting, are saying they are tired of worrying about when someone will come in and kill their friends right before their eyes, or worse yet, kill them. They are tired of being sitting ducks waiting for "the adults" to legislate their way in to safety. They are tired of waiting on us. They don't want to sit - so they are walking.

The principal that began the walk up, not walk out movement is looking at the shooter. Like many of us he is probably wondering how did we get here. What makes someone so angry they need to kill to feel release. Like so many school personnel he sees a glimmer of hope that the students could be more kind, more friendly, leaving no one out and that child will not grow up into a rage filed killing machine. 

The danger of hashtags is that they take a larger conversation and reduce it down to two to 4 words, stripping it important considerations.

Considerations like:

• Many students will walk out without actually knowing the full "why."
• Walk outs feel good. They give the walker a power when they feel powerless. 
• Walk outs give a voice to the voiceless.
• Walk outs rarely make change because they are not taken seriously by the change makers.
• Walking up to students places the responsibility for change on the the victims (or potential victims.)
• The walk up movement is akin to saying, "You are being shot because you have been mean to people. If you had been nice they wouldn't have shot people."
• It victim shames.
• We are also, once again, asking the students and teachers to be responsible for fixing a problem that belongs to the entire community.
• And while we ALL need to be much more kind and relational to EVERYONE, many of the brokenness the shooters have received has been in their homes.

Hashtags are handy. They let us find topics quickly through search engines. But the take away they minimize, politicize and advertise rather than bring about solutions.

Hashtags bind us together. they help us find our people.  I am a #metoo. But those five letters behind the tic tac toe board doesn't tell you my story. You have to know me, listen to me and befriend me before I would trust you with my story. And that is what life is all about. 

Instead of heckling the kids walking out, listen to them, come to know their fears, their anxieties and their helplessness. Comfort the afflicted, shore up the weary. Don't accuse the of just wanting to get out of class, of being driven by politicians to be anti gun. I mean have you stood by and watched your friend die at the age of 14 in what should be one of the safest places you go?

Instead of shaming kids for creating shooters by being mean kids in the third grade to the weird kid, show them how to love (it doesn't happen by you shaming them, or deriding them, calling their cultural ways stupid.) Show them how to lift others up with words and deeds by starting with those that are afraid.

People this shooter problem can't be legislated. It is a human condition problem. Truthfully, I am not a fan of guns. And I am a fan of constitutional rights. But more importantly I know you can kill with out a gun. I come from a state where 168 people where killed and thousands of lives shattered by a an angry, confused man with a truckload of fertilizer. Brokenness can only be mended with holy healing, and that is what we where placed on earth to do, heal with the love of God that lives within us.

Get walking.

Faithfulness of a Father

Maybe it was because I grew up not having a father or it was because I had an uncle that was like the father I always wanted, either way, I have always been fascinated by Joseph in the Bible. Not the technicolored dream coat Joseph but Joseph, the earthly father of Jesus.

As a child I would imagine what it would be like to have a dad, you know, the kind that took you to daddy-daughter dances, and would tuck you in at night, checking under the bed for monsters if need be. It wasn't as if I didn't have people that loved me; I most certainly did! Even as a child I understood the role of a father in a child's life. I understood enough to wonder what Jesus was like as a child and if he ever got spankings or sent to his room like me. I wondered what it was like to have to punish the Messiah? (secretly wishing I was special so I wouldn't get into trouble.)

As a new parent I would feel bad for poor Joseph. He all that work and trust in God that marrying a girl that was already with child by someone else was the right thing to do. All the night walking with a cholicy Jesus and then having to pull up stakes and flee to Egypt to escape a crazy ruler. I felt bad because he had no accolades in the Bible or even later in our faith. We hear songs, poems and books written about Mary. She is almost the star of the show in some faith traditions. Joseph is just the guy leading the camel to Bethlehem. Marrying not one but two great fathers, I feel that they often get left out.

What we see in Joseph is maybe what we should see  a little more of in ourselves, unwavering faith the God has a grand plan and that we aren't in it for the glory, well our glory. That God's glory will sustain us and provide for us. That evil may be around the corner but God will provide an escape route. That our reward comes in being with and living with God though eternity. 

So if you know a dad in your life, yours, or someone, take the time to tell them what a great job they are doing! And pray for more dads to find ways to be good earthly fathers raising God's children.

The World Will Not Change (Me)

The church shooting in Southerland, TX at the First Baptist Church rocked many of our emotional security. It seems as though we have barely begun to sort out the shooting here in Nashville at Burnette Chapel last month, then this. Although statistics tell us not to be afraid as such events are rare, according to Dallas Drake, criminologist. But do statistics make us feel safe? Are we afraid? Should we have fear?

Many people are afraid. As a pastor my trite answer could be to say, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but gives us power, love and self discipline." (2 Timothy 1:7) What I am afraid people hear when this scripture is thrown around is that you are weak and powerless if you are afraid. It is almost as if you are chided for not feeling bullet proof in the name of the Lord. That type pf interpretation leaves of feeling shameful and guilt ridden that we carry concern over those will ill intent towards us and our loved ones.

A friend of mine always says, "I am not afraid to die, I just don't want to do it right now." Knowing that in Christ we have eternity is an assurance that should ease our fear of death, but earthly ties like family, friends, ministries cause us to want to protect ourselves. It is natural to want to not die "right now." We are born with a natural need towards self preservation. 

That particular scripture is spoken to Timothy by Paul to remind Timothy that he may face persecution for speaking the Truth to those that have yet to hear but that we are to remember that the Spirit that lives within us defied the grave in Christ. That persecution should never cause us to hate but to continue to love all and everyone that God created and revere them as God would. However, the words "self-discipline" sets us back. If we contained all of the self-discipline in the world could we stop someone from coming in our church during worship and creating chaos?

Possibly. The opposite of "fear" is "trust". Where does trust come from? For us, practically speaking,  trust can come from our church leaders examining our daily practices of keeping watch over our people. Making safety plans, being aware and creating safe-guards. Spiritually our trust comes from knowing that God is present with us in these endeavors. The opposite of fear is trusting that once these plans are created we can use our self-discipline to follow a system to keep ourselves safe from harm.

In April of 1995 I was a the director of an early care and learning center at the Federal Aviation Administration Headquarters in Oklahoma City. Yes, we were the "other" federal daycare in Oklahoma City the day Timothy McVeigh placed a truck full of explosives in front of America's Kids Child Care in the Murrah Federal Building. Ten miles away we heard the explosion. It set off car alarms in our parking lot. In minutes we heard what happened yet still not knowing the target or the reason. 

The days and months to follow involved FBI guards, weekly bomb threats and evacuations, counselors for parents, children and staff. We had to be careful. We received the children from America's Kids that had been gone that day. I learned how to speak "law enforcement" and safety as I worked with the Department of Human Services and the FBI to make safety plans for daycares across Oklahoma. I eventually left the FFA facility to train and speak to other schools and centers across the United States.  

My mom said I was never a good victim and I found out what she meant as I look back on these days. I chose to not let fear take over and cripple me but to look to God to use His power and the self -discipline He was growing in me to squelch hate with love and assurance.

A year after the bombing Garth Brooks released a video called "The Change," with all of the proceeds going victims and their families. He was quoted as saying he waited a year so that it would be an anthem to those facing the trial of the bombers. Here are my favorite lines in the song:

As long as one heart still holds on

Then hope is never really gone

I hear them saying you will never change things

And no matter what you do it is still the same thing

But it is not the world I am changing

I do this so the world will know

It will not change me

Watch Garth's performance here*

On Sunday evening following the Southerland, TX shooting, I called a member of our church with a background in safety and protection and asked him to work with me to form a task force to assess the unsafe areas of our church. This is a task that should be done periodically with, or with out church shootings. We will then also look for ways to stay safe without living in fear or creating an atmosphere that is inhospitable. 

In the meantime:

Pray for the families of those that lost loved ones (1 Timothy 2:1)

Pray for the pastors near those churches as they attempt to bring comfort (Proverbs 3:5-7)

Pray for the shooters and their families ( Matthew 5:43-48)


*Trivia - At .48 into the Garth Brooks video you will se a small girl in a purple and white striped dress. That is my step-daughter Stephanie who was attending the YMCA child care center that was across the street and was demolished in the bombing as well. She is now a beautiful, grown, woman with four beautiful boys. God is good.

The Other Side

I think we all know that there are at least two sides to every story. In fact most people say there are three, yours, mine and the truth. My grandma would say there were four, your, mine, the truth and the side we let people see. I believe that is more accurate. 

I have a decorative cube in my office with cute sayings on each side. I bought it for one saying only, this one.

This reflects a side I am willing to show and use as an excuse for so many bad traits, forgetfulness, grumpiness, lethargy...you get the picture. There are many other sides to this cube. There are perfectly nice sayings such as: 

Smile
Save time see it my way
Nope, not today
Work for it
Chase ideas

I actually feel all of those sides many days. but I only show one. Why? To "say" to someone that they need to see it my way or that I don't have time for them today seems harsh even though both sentiments have run through my mind.  To ask someone to work for what they want from their pastor seems less that pastoral and frankly in a church that is highly engaged already to tell the broader audience to chase their dreams might be a bit overwhelming, although it is a great idea. And I rarely tell anyone to smile. It seems patronizing. So I put out the side I want people to see.

This in not a blog post about fake news or liberal/conservative media, What i am saying is take a moment to truly hear and consider what you see and read in the world. When you see someone doing or saying something you don't like, disagree with or are offended by ask yourself, "I wonder what their side to this story is?"

Lately, I have been faced with dealing with situations were there is a clear cut right and wrong. Unfortunately I have had the opportunity to face the "wrong" person. (Some other pastor must be getting to deal with the "wronged person.") At first glance I want to say - you were clearly wrong. You should be receiving the consequences you are receiving. But love (agape) forces me to look from their side at the issue. Suddenly compassion overtakes condemnation, understanding replaces umbrage.

That fourth side is the side that is shown to the world but underneath is a truth side that allows for compassion and reconciliation. The truth side is the hard side because you are forces to let go of your favorite side and the facade side and to actually admit to the truth. Truth erases blame, politics, doctrine, ideals. It is just the truth. But in that hard place of truth work can be done and right fighting can end. 

Maybe I will turn my cube around...  

From the Edge of the Pond - General Conferece Decisions Making

I have been asked by concerned members of my congregation to speak to what is happening at General Conference; some just interested, some worried about a schism and others with a vested interest in the LQBTQI issue on both sides of the argument.

Where I am from there is a saying, “Its hard to know what to do when you are standing in the middle of the pond with alligators nipping at your butt” meaning that it is easier to spot the problem when you are standing on the outside looking in. 

So here I am…standing on the outside looking in. I am not, nor desire to be a delegate to General Conference and I am a single pastor at a medium sized church that is richly invested in Kingdom work which is a pastoral way of saying I am too busy to hang on every moment of the live stream. I have enjoyed many of the worship services. I wanted to watch Bishop William McAlilly, my bishop, preside over the plenary session on Wednesday afternoon but that is when we have worship dance at church...busy. 

After seeing the comments later on social media about how Bishop McAlilly was treated and how the session went following council of bishops resolution and Adam Hamilton’s motion concerning that resolution I searched for more actual video footage but could find none. So I waited until later to watch the archived video of the live stream. Sigh, I went to the edge of the pond. Unlike many, I was not outraged that Bishop McAlilly was accused of “telegraphing votes with his hands.” In fact, I rewound and watched the entire clip focusing on his hands. I found it humorous that the telegraphing accusation was launched at all; a preaching Bishop that does what so many of us do, talk with his hands, is what I saw. I did see some fidgeting with his ink pen. Fidgeting born of being forced to sit still in front of many folks, guiding them in a movement toward God’s will.  Many of these folks did not appear to be seeking a consensus but more looking to have a decision made in accordance with their desire. While it is an attack on his personal integrity that he would do such a thing as telegraph votes, it more ludicrous that someone actually thought he had. I dare any preacher or speaker to sit up there and not wave a hand or two.

Later in the session when Bishop McAlilly was asked to step down due to the bias he was projecting. I was not angry but perplexed. Once again, I rewound the clip to that portion only to find a man, humbly navigating a stilted process through a sea of high passion. Some say it was his race (caucasian), some say it was his gender (male) and some say it was his tell-tale accent, (he is a Mississippi man) that tipped people off to his bias. I fear it was the cloudy glasses through which he was viewed that gave the opinion of bias. Yes, here in the South we have people that are hopefully awaiting a vote in the favor of LGBTQI individuals and some of them are white males. Many of them as well as those not hoping for said outcome felt our Bishop was unfairly labeled. 

But standing on the edge of the pond, watching from the sidelines, what I mostly saw; clearly viewing from my comfortable seat on the couch was a desire by commenters to reach their individual desires, no matter the cost. Even if it meant for a Bishop to be asked to step down for the first time since the 1800s.

Almost every point of order, question or motion was rooted in being done! Finished! Winning! I love doneness. I am a fan of a clear, direct path towards a specific destination. By nature I am not a wanderer allowing my path be decided by any outside force. I am not prone to delight in process but love to celebrate in the finished product. But my limited understanding of God is that God is a God of journeys. How many times in scripture has God’s people been set on a course of movement, yet given ample time to wander. The wandering is a learning and shaping time. Yes, we have been wandering on the sexuality issue for a number of years; since 2004 as a formal conversation at General Conference. A mere 12 years; but a long time for those waiting, worrying and hurting. I get it. I have friends and loved ones hurt by the slowness of the church and its people over this very issue.

What I see in  people pushing to decide, to vote immediately remind me of the wanderers in the desert when Moses was on the mountain.

   "Ok, Moses. We will follow you. Guide us. We know you hear from God." 

     But then...

    “We want ‘it’ now, Aaron. We need a god. Build us a calf. Quick here’s my bracelet.” 

We asked those chosen, anointed and called to lead, Bishops to do that... guide and lead. They did. They are asking for time to hear, discern. We will still be moving. Just the specific destination is unseen and in the distance. From my sideline point of view, the simple answer I see is to keep moving forward, in discourse and discernment. Yes, people will still be worrying, waiting and possibly even hurting while we wander. But we will not be wandering without purpose. All the while we wander we will be headed toward God’s Promise for us as the Church; Christ’s Church and what a powerful witness that will be.

NOTE:

“The Council of Bishops asked General Conference to delay a debate on homosexuality at this gathering of the denomination’s top legislative assembly until a proposed commission can study church regulations. Instead, the bishops asked for the body’s permission to name a special commission that would completely examine and possibly recommend revisions of every paragraph in The Book of Discipline related to human sexuality. The commission would represent the different regions of a denomination on four continents as well as the varied perspectives of the church.”

The archived plenary session referenced:

https://youtu.be/DV0cCNy5y1Y

The Council of Bishop's recommendation for hold on sexuality debate :

http://s3.amazonaws.com/Website_Properties/general-conference/2016/dca/gc2016-daily-christian-advocate-051916.pdf

A UMReporter Podcast Recap:

http://unitedmethodistreporter.com/2016/05/19/umreporter-roundtable-episode-008-5182016/