Parenthood...you're killing me!

By the title one might think that I struggle with parenting. Duh! Any parent that says otherwise is lying to themselves or others. Doing parenting well, whatever that looks like, is hard. Caring creates questioning. I should be a pro. I am educated on the subject; I have a double undergrad of elementary education and early childhood development. I am experienced; other than the 15 years I worked with children professionally, I raised my younger sister, gave birth to two daughters that are grown and Joe and I adopted two boys. People have actually been known to ask me parenting advice. But as my daughter put it at the height of her pre teen snarkiest, "Mom, you always blow Mother of the Year right before nominations." Parenting is hard.

Not whining here but my challenges have not been small; oldest daughter had all kinds of weird health issues, youngest daughter had all kinds of weird control issues, (both grown and awesome now!) divorce, remarriage, adoption of two boys from a horrible situation and then BAAM! The one challenge that is daily, hard, funny and puzzling all at once. Our oldest son is on the autism spectrum. He has been diagnosed with PDD-NOS to be exact. What is even more fun is we didn't get the diagnosis until he was at the end of 5th grade. To our defense, he is very intelligent, and we had to wade through some lingering emotional issues from his "previous life."

Enter Parenthood, the television series on NBC. I started the show at its beginning and haven't missed an episode. Granted it doesn't take much to get me hooked on a television show but the character Max intrigued me from the beginning. Max has Aspbergers on the show. And like our son Kota, it took a while to get a to a diagnosis, some answers. In fairness, many friends had said, "Have you seen Big Bang Theory?" For so long, my no answer was followed with you should because Kota is like Sheldon Cooper. Yes, Sheldon and Kota share so many traits, particularly in their need to impart vast amounts of information and similar fashion sense. But as much as I have grown to love BBT, it is Max and Parenthood that has been so helpful in parenting Kota in so many ways.

L: Max Burholder and R: Dakota Jack Mowdy

First of all, Max's age, development and interestingly, appearance has mirrored Kota's. Watching what his TV parents went through to get to first, a diagnosis and then acceptance and finally becoming a facilitator and advocate for your child. Many of Max's challenges have been Kota's challenges. Please understand, they are not identical. The biggest mistake most people without a spectrum person in their home makes is to think all Autism looks and acts the same. Even within similar categories of spectrum conditions don't share identical traits. All people with Aspergers are not Max, all people with Classic Autism are not Rainman and technically Sheldon Cooper's character is not identified with any issues on the spectrum according to the writers. (The same is true for many adults that are possibly on the spectrum, it has never been identified.)

Although not identical, I have been able to explain what a new teacher may experience if they have watched Parenthood. I can watch Max's parents, Adam and Kristina try, fail and still love each other and Max through each and every challenge. Their successes give me hope.

Parenthood is killing me. This is the last season. I find myself as I watch each episode how my son will end up with out know what is in store for Max as he enters his teen age years. Max has found a girlfriend. While we aren't there yet, Kota is 15 and girls are inevitable. Max and Kota both entered high school this year. How will I know how that will go? Way to go Parenthood. You are taking away one of my parenting tools.

Other spectrum parents, please don't attack me for equating our struggle with a fictional show on television. I get it. It isn't the same. I know. Trust me I know. And yes, Max is no where near what many of of you face. But struggles in parenting are struggles and any insight is winner winner chicken dinner in my books. Any way I can help those that are charged with teaching and interacting with my child is a bonus. Kota is in neuro-typical classes in high school. His teachers are often the honors teachers and the advance course teachers. WARNING: generalization ahead! In our school system these are the teachers that have less understanding of working in an alternative way. Rarely does Kota come in contact with Special Education faculty; you know, the people trained to work with those on the spectrum. Being able to say, "Have you ever seen Parenthood?" is finding a starting place for conversation. Especially when I get questions like: "Why don't you cut his hair?", "Why does he throw so many fits?" Or statements like: "He won't look at me when I am talking to him" or "He spends way too long in the bathroom."

So Parenthood, I understanding the concept of going out on top. I get that your actors want to do other projects and break outside of the characters that have almost become who they are. But for this one mom, I have to say, "You're killing me." But seriously, thank you for all you have done for us in this house hold.