One Sorry List...

Social networking has brought sympathy seeking to a whole new level. Happenings in the lives of people that I know, things I would've never known about, suddenly flood my daily consciousness through Facebook, twitter, and even Instagram newsfeeds.

Sometimes it's terrible things like deaths in the family or catastrophic illnesses. Sometimes it's merely the loss of some prized possession or boyfriend. (not to minimize losing one's boyfriend or one stuff but in light of catastrophic illness or death I see that is definitely something less painful)


There are times when I feel really overwhelmed by the hurt I see flooding in over my social media and I feel like sometimes I just want to turn it off but I hold closing my eyes in tension with the desire to care for other people.

Then this happened; I started reading what other people's comments were. Come on people! We need to pull ourselves together and do a better job of moderating our compassion.

Posted on Facebook last night was a sad expression of the loss due to theft of something's of value. I have absolutely no clue why I thought I should read what other people said. Could have been boredom (I was fighting insomnia), it could have been a weak nosey moment, who knows???

What I found was very telling about how we "so called friends" give comfort. Nestled among the many "I am sorrys" were a plethora of comments that were not helpful. I am posting 

My Top Five Comments NOT to Post to Someone Needing Sympathy on Social Media.

1: "I am going to you to do exactly what you have already done" - approach. Not helpful, people. In this case telling someone to call the police about a theft seems little demeaning. Don't you think???

2: "I am going to call the perpetrator all kinds of terrible names, maybe even accuse someone in public" - approach. Most importantly accusing someone in a public, for example, can only create hurt feelings and trashing someone can't possibly make someone feel better.

3: "The throw a third party under the bus" -approach. In this case the police that never watch or property were indicted out there on the internet but as I researched further looking at others misery postings, I found the absolute worst. Someone had asked for prayer in the death of a loved one. A goober "friend" had the insensitivity to suggest she file a law suit against the hospital, doctors, etc. because no one should have to die like that.

4. "The I am going to tell you how to fix this and move quickly forward" - approach. This could be okay when talking about replacing stolen property especially if you will take on the responsibility of actual doing the leg work, not just talking. But telling someone where to find a puppy when the beloved family pet of 16 years is out to sleep may not be helpful. Or worse yet where to find a new man when the current one is gone...

5. "The I am going to say sorry AFTER I tell you the story of how it happened to me but was so much worse in my case" - approach. Do I even need to tell you his is WRONG. This is CRUEL. And this is NOT helpful. (End rant)

There are many other poor examples, you can check them out if you dare. But let's do better. Sure there are people that need advice. And yes, doctors, law enforcement and other third parties may need to be held accountable but in that moment, that place, is it really the right time to do anything else but say you feel sorry.  No one wants or needs unsolicited advice when we are sad/grieving. 

Better yet, if you really are sorry, message them, call them, see them. Be a friend.